Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Traffic Lights {3}

I woke up the next morning with a severe headache from last night’s partying. I checked my phone to see if I had any new messages; 0 new messages. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I got up and freshened up with a quick shower and had breakfast with Aibileen.
I got dressed, and tied my hair up into a bun so that the tattooed stars behind my left ear would show. I applied some rouge allure velvet matte lipstick in L’exquise by Chanel, and then did my eyes in smokey black which made my green hazel eyes standout. My overall look was effortlessly chic, and then I made my way downstairs. I sat in the lobby waiting for that annoying message. I ordered a cup of chamomile tea and sat back and thought about it all, what does “Alfie” the British young man want from me? How does he know all of these things about me? How did he find me? Maybe we study at the same university and he lives somewhere next to the building I’m living in? Oh well. He will show up, he promised. I stared at the familiar faces that entered the building, I drank the last sip of my tea and placed the cup on the saucer then I placed it on the table. He has such a weird name. Alfie. Hah, it’s funny. Speaking of the devil, there he is! He walked in the building.

Ah there you are! Hello gorgeous. He said as he kissed my cheek. Thought I’d be late, it’s He said while checking his vintage watch 12PM on the dot. Alright darling, we better hurry up.

Why didn’t you text me?

Because I knew you’d wait for me in the lobby. Like you always wait for your friends when you’ll go to some place.

He was freaking me out, the more time I spend with this guy the more I wanted to know how he knows these things about me. It’s starting to piss me off.

We walked for 19 minutes non-stop; we reached an old building that had an underground stairs that takes you to a bar. We walked in the bar, then through a 'Do not enter room'; he swiped a card and we got in. I was amazed, I gasped at the mind blowing place. It was like a ballroom with a bar yet it’s a tailor workshop, very fascinating and the person that designed this must be intelligent and without a doubt creative. A huge chandelier in the middle of the ceiling, a bar on the right wing of the room, sewing machines scattered all over the room, sofas here and there, shelves filled with threads from all shades and all colours, a grand piano in the middle, a corner at the back with a huge plasma TV and all kinds of video games, another wall filled with book shelves and an old vintage jukebox beside the bar. This was only the beginning, I know there is more to this magical room that I need to discover.

Hello there! I’m Momoko. I gasped, she interrupted my thoughts. She giggled and hugged me tightly. She looks very young, 12 maybe. Her hair colour was fascinating; bright hot pink, she’s very petite; perhaps 154 centimetres, Japanese, her makeup really made her eyes bigger, her whole look made her look like a Barbie doll.  You must be Jawaher; Alfie couldn’t stop talking about you! Gosh you’re strikingly gorgeous... Hello baby. She turned around to Alfie and pecked his lips. Oh please sit down, and remove your coat. They’ll be here any minute. I did what I was told to do and sat down on one of the armchairs. My phone started ringing, it was Aibileen.

I’m sorry I have to take this. I put on my coat and left the room. The bar was half full, I was about to answer the phone when I accidently bumped someone, the papers went flying from his hand to all over the floor. I’m so sorry!!! I picked the papers from the floor and handed them to him.

It’s okay. I’m sorry I didn’t see you.

Uhh... No I- And my phone rang again. I’m sorry. I said, I smiled and answered the phone call.

The whole time while Aibileen was talking I couldn’t stop thinking of him; the guy I just bumped into. He had the most breathtaking, remarkable, inconceivable, oh god... I can’t find the right words to describe him or his eyes. The beating of my heart is still unsteady, my palms are sweating, why am I so nervous?

Aibileen I have to go now, I’m really busy. Have dinner without me tonight. Love you, bye!!! And I hung up. I need to go back and look for him. Before I entered the room I knocked on the door, not to be rude.

Don’t be so formal doll; just come in whenever you want to. He took off my coat and placed it on a coat hanger that was beside the door. Someone was playing the piano beautifully; Moonlight Sonata.

My my my... What a divine young lady. Well done Alfie! You got us a diamond. A lady in her mid-twenties walked out of the bar and eyed me. Her hair in the deepest shade of purple, dark red lips, she wore a very elegant black modern Victorian dress, it wasn’t puffy, and the effort put into the dress was handmade for sure. I’m Mia, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

The playing stopped and a tall figure came towards us. It was him. I couldn’t stop blushing.  He was dressed in a grey suit, his hair colour in powder blue, his eyes a mixture of midnight blue; azure and grey. I felt like it magically changed colours!

He reached out for my hand, and gently held it between his long cold fingers and kissed it. I think my cheeks were the same shade as my hair. I swallowed hard and cleared my throat.

I’m Vladimir. A Russian... Wow. Nice to meet you. He isn’t a pure Russian, his Arabian heritage were clear, but maybe I’m mistaken, which I probably think I’m not because there’s something in him, something deep down in me told me he’s khaleeji.  

Nice to meet you too.

So let’s get started. Momoko come take her measurements. Mia once Momoko’s done take her to the wardrobe; pick an outfit then let her try it on and Alfie get the camera ready.

Wait, what’s going on. Why am I here?

Vladimir I think what she’s wearing is fine, let us explain to her why she’s here then we’ll ask whether she wants to stay with us or not.

Mia!!!! I finally found the one and you’re wondering whether she wants to stay or not. If she didn’t want to then she wouldn’t have come here in the first place.

Enough! The whole room was quiet; Mia and Alfie had stopped arguing. Please have a seat; this isn’t the best way to introduce ourselves. Mia make some tea, Momoko get the desserts. I sat down on one of the sofas, Alfie and Vladimir sat on the arm chairs. Mia and Momoko sat beside me on the sofa.


Yes please.

Jawaher. The way he pronounced my name made me unsteady. I blushed and looked at him. Am I right?

Yes. May I ask how you got all of this information- about me?

Alfie will explain once I’m done. We’re looking for a model and we haven’t found the perfect model until Alfie had found you. We’re a group of designers; there will be a fashion show for the SS collection which we’re working on. We need to design 3 outfits or dresses or anything, it’s some sort of competition.

And you want me to model for all 3?

Yes. Will you be able to model for us?

They’re all depending on me. And I’m not sure if modelling is what I need right now.

I’ll think about it...

We need to know tomorrow whether you want to be our model or not. So we can start working on the outfits. Mia take her to the wardrobe.

I got up and followed her, I walked in the wardrobe. Oh... My... God...

Welcome to the wardrobe.

It’s like a never ending dream, everything was neatly put in place; by seasons with the accessories, shoes, handbags even the simplest accessory such as an umbrella was included. My heart ached for more. I looked at the labels, but it didn’t have any. Could it be? No way... I had meters of racks and shelves yet to discover and drawers!


This is our dreams. Our dreams that have been bottled up and locked away for so long, that no one ever saw or heard of. And now we are letting you our first customer and model to have a glimpse of our dreams.

I hugged her tightly.

Thank you...

She got out a black dress: v neck, open at the back, it had an x that came down from the neck to the lower breasts.

Try it on and keep your heels on.

But... I’m not sure if it’ll fit.

Trust me it will. Here’s the changing room. She showed me the way. The changing room itself was a dream, it had a chandelier in the middle, jazz music on and paintings and the list would go on and on.

I removed my dress, my stockings and my shoes and slowly got in the dress, I sat on the chair and wore my shoes again. I stared at my reflection, I have never ever felt more proud of what I’ve become in my life, and this moment just brought joy and tears. I felt like a model.

How is it? Mia called from outside. I was too shy to let her come in and look at my bare back.

I... I don’t know..  

Can I come in?

I unlocked the door and opened it. She gasped, her eyes widened. She walked in and looked around, inspecting me and my body from head to toe.

I’m speechless!!! Can I call them to come in and take a look?

Only Momoko... Or if you want me to try some other dress so the boys can come and see?

She smiled then nodded. I hope I wasn’t rude. I’m still new to this. She walked out and called Momoko and they both walked in.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiii!!!! She bounced. You look spectacular! I blushed. Please please please please be our model.. She pleaded, holding my hands and for a second my heart couldn’t resist saying no to such an adorable person.

Sure. Without knowing, I accidently blurted the word. I couldn’t take it back, Momoko didn’t give me time to even think about it, and she hugged me tightly.

Careful Momoko! Don’t ruin the dress.

You are the best!

She ran out and announced to the boys that I was officially their model. Mia followed Momoko, I unzipped the dress. Someone lightly knocked on the door.

Just a second.

Jawaher... Can I come in?

I quickly wore my dress and adjusted my hair; I opened the door then hung the dress on the hanger.

Where should I hang it?

It’s ok, I’ll take it. They’re all going out for dinner; would you like to join them?

Ummm.... I checked the time on my watch No, I need to go back.

Would you like me to take you back?

No it’s ok; I can call the driver if I want to but I’ll go back walking instead. I smiled. It feels so awkward to be in a room with him only. He hung the dress and then grabbed my hand and smiled, we walked together. Why do I feel so comfortable around him? I just met him...

So when do you want me to come back again?

Will you be able to come tomorrow?

I’m not sure. Alfie knows where my building is and my number and everything else, why don’t you send me a message or come over? 


Thank you for everything. I wore my coat and walked out.

Jawaher. He called me before I crossed the road. Wait, I forgot to give you this. He gave me a card. This card gives you access to the atelier.

Thank you. He kissed my cheeks and watched me until I disappeared.  

That night... I couldn’t stop thinking about the day I spent at the atelier; I couldn’t stop thinking about how I easily stitched a smile on their faces when I agreed on becoming their model. But does becoming a model for their brand mean I have to become a model for other companies as well? Oh well... Good night!!!

Saturday, 21 April 2012

Traffic Lights {2}

One more exam. God I miss my parents so much. I entered the exam hall and waited for the rest of the student to come. Everyone arrived in time; we stood in alphabetical order then sat in our seats. يسم الله. I read the du3a2s then I started the exam.

It took me 48 minutes to complete the exam, I spent the other 12 minutes making sure everything was written correctly and the working outs were right. Gosh finance is a headache. Anyway that’s a semester over!

After the exam, Ai invited us all over to her house; she’s throwing a party because this semester is officially over. I accepted the invitation and told her I need to go back to my place, rest for a while then join her party.

When I was on my way back I felt someone follow me again, I quickened my pace towards the traffic lights before they turned red. I was about to cross the road when I felt someone’s hand grabbing my arm tightly.

You! He yelled. My eyes widened. He dragged me backwards towards one of the restaurants wall.

Let go of me! I raised my voice, hoping he’d let go, or perhaps someone might help me. Is this guy drunk? I’m not sure, but all I know is that I’m in a frightening situation. He pinned me to the wall and everyone that walked past us gave me a weird look. My arms crushed towards the wall, I couldn’t move. He was only centimetres away; I could feel his unsteady breathing. I couldn’t take my eyes off of his. All the piercings, on his eyebrows, his lips, his ears, his tongue they scare me. Why has he done this to his beauty? His overall look disgusted me, but it was his features that made him stand out, he is handsome. His dark grey eyes sparked as he looked at me from head to toe; from my ombre red hair that started off from a shade of falu red to venetian red, with a mixture of reds as well, to my green hazel eyes, to my matte dark nude lipstick, to the 7 seven piercings on my right ear and the other 4 piercings on my left and finally the way I dressed.

I’ve been following you for days, trying to figure out your name, where you live and the university you go to. My heart stopped. He’s stalking me. You’re a student at Y University and you live in Z building’s penthouse along with your nanny Aibileen? Am I right Jawaher AlX?

I nodded.

I’m Alfie. He let go of me and stuck his hand out waiting for me to shake my hand with his, and I did. Let me walk you back to your penthouse so you can rest then go to Ai’s party.

No. What do you want from me?

It’s a long story.

I have time, tell me now.

He grabbed my chin and looked into my eyes. I want you.

I pushed him away. I’m not in the mood for your childish games. And I walked away, he laughed at what I said then quickly grabbed me before I could runaway.

Listen! I’ll tell you everything tomorrow, but promise me you’ll listen and you’ll show up.

I will. Where will you be?

Aaaaaaaaaaaah! I knew you were worth the risk! He hugged me. I’ll text you the details. See you tomorrow! He grabbed my hands and kissed my cheek and left, he left me standing there dumbfounded.

Saturday, 14 April 2012

Traffic Lights {1}

My alarm went off. I rolled to the other side of the bed and turned off the alarm. I covered my face with my pillow; I don’t feel like going to university. I got up and pulled the curtains. It’s cloudy. I got in my dressing room and picked out my outfit, then headed towards the bathroom. I showered then got dressed then dropped everything in my bag and zipped it; I quickly grabbed a toast and ran towards the elevators before Aibileen could see me. I wasn’t in the mood for listening to Aibileen’s lecture about having a proper breakfast. Aibileen is my nanny and my best friend she stood along by my side in good and bad times.

On my way to university, I could sense someone following me all along, someone staring at me and is somewhere close. I rushed through the traffic lights before they would turn red. I felt uncomfortable.

Good morning I said as I walked in the classroom, and the whole classroom replied back. Finals are coming up and so is the weekend- only hours away, I wasn’t sure if I should spend the weekend studying or hanging out with my friends. The teacher kept on explaining all of the calculations and formulas during maths and I would write down notes, I sat back once the teacher had settled on one of the difficult formulas; it’s easy to tackle once you’ve grasped the concept. I love this place. Although at first I was so out of place and I literally looked odd, I feel comfortable around these people now, I feel like we go along. You could see potential hope in their eyes, most of them love studying just like me.

After university I walked back to my penthouse. I studied for three hours straight then I needed a break, so I went to the gym. I didn’t take so long because I had to go back to studying.

I spent the rest of the weekend studying for my finals.

Monday, 9 April 2012

Traffic Lights

Traffic Lights ···

A simple colour would make the world stop for minutes, sometimes ages or to some people it felt like years. I stood in between the crowd, people with different hair colours; different nationalities, different heights, size, everything and anything surrounded me. The light turned green, we moved as a huge wave as we crossed the street then separated.

Before walking in class I managed to adjust my skirt and hair then made my way in. I remember the first day I was somehow an absolute shock to some of the students. My features weren’t so familiar in universities like this and by this I mean one of the top universities in Japan. Yes you read it right Japan. I’ve been living in Tokyo for 3 years now. Do you want to know why? Hah, of course you do!

Back in high school all that mattered to me was being the first in class. I didn’t really care about appearance or having friends, all I really cared about was my grades. I remember waking up one morning after the one week holiday we had back in high school; after I had finished having a shower I put on my school shirt and started buttoning it. I was half way through, I struggled as I forcefully pushed the buttons through the holes. Once I reached the fourth button it popped and hit the mirror so hard close to cracking it! And I stared at myself, I stared at my face, my body, my lips, my nose but I couldn’t look into my eyes because I was ashamed of what I had become. A disgusting 11 year old obese walrus! I know this sounds funny, me comparing myself to a walrus but honestly I was by far the most disgusting thing on this planet. My features were buried in the tons and tons of fat on my face, and my body... no comment. I cried because I wasn’t able to button my shirt, so I skipped school for a week. Instead of working out and losing some weight, I gained some more and I had to buy some new shirts, but the shirts kept on shrinking. I was the joke in school. My sisters cried their eyes out begging my parents to transfer me to another school so they wouldn’t pick on them the way they picked on me, that they didn’t deserve this, they shouldn’t be punished because of me. Imagine being in my place right now, I was in utter disbelief and devastated by the news when my parents told me about my sisters transferring to a different school because they didn’t want me to be with them. So they sent them out of the country... To a boarding school in London.

Here’s a small introduction to my family. My father: an Emirati; tanned and is darker skinned than my mother, with dark brown eyes and black hair. My mother: Half Iranian half Indian (weird combination, eh?), flawless white natural skin, warm green hazel eyes and small lips. My sisters’ look nothing like me, perhaps it’s because they’re all skinny and because they’re my sisters (3) from my local stepmother. Yes, I have a stepmother. I look just like my mother, the exact same eyes but bigger, the same lip shape but bigger, the same nose but more khaleeji, I had her genes but with a mixture of khaleejiness. So yeah, I guess that’s it about my family.

Moving on, 3 years ago when I was in university back in Dubai I had this mini crush on this half Saudi half Qatari drop dead handsome guy, oh my he was the best thing I had ever seen. I couldn’t resist not staring at him whenever he entered Starbucks in university. So once, I was enjoying my cheesecake sitting on my own in a corner far at the back of Starbucks and sipping my large drink. He walked in with his friends, his sunglasses buried in his thick curls, he wore a lightweight cotton t-shirt with shorts and loafers. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, he walked towards the billiard table and got himself a pool cue and the pool cue chalk and started dusting it with chalk. When he finished I felt as if I was in an empty room with just him, and the rest of the students in Starbucks didn’t exist, everything was in slow motion, I took a bite of my cheesecake and stared at him and he saw me. I couldn’t stop blushing, and he blew away the unwanted chalk dusts that flickered in the air and then... he winked. Oh. I wish. I wish wish wish I didn’t stare at him. I choked on my cheesecake. He laughed his ass off, he laughed so hard and everyone, everyone equals all the students in Starbucks right now and soon all the students in my university will know about this. He highfived his friends as if it was a dare, and I felt ashamed and embarrassed, I ran outside towards the car park and walked endlessly. I called my driver to come and pick me up as soon as possible and he did.

And that my dear readers is why I’m here in Tokyo. Is why I don’t want to go back to my country. It’s because I was a joke. Whenever I went out with my sisters and stepmother to a gathering, the ladies would giggle at my appearance, the way I dressed up and no one really bothered talking to me. All the attention shifted to the skinny girls because they’re all gorgeous. So I knew I had to do something about my obesity issue, and I had to work on it. I dropped out of university and transferred to one of the top universities in Japan – Tokyo.

Now I lost 47 kilograms, yes 47. Amazing right? I went on a strict diet and started working out and I rolled into one of the health centres. I was 110 kilograms and now I’m 63- 178 centimetres tall. I just need to lose 3-10 more kilograms and that’s it, so I’m working on it.

Well I hoped you all enjoyed a little introduction of me and my story. Cheers!

This post is a dedication to crazyfairytales.3  & 4 Ketakeet emfarzineen 
Thank you <3