Thursday, 20 June 2013

Traffic Lights {29}

Sorry for taking so long! We just finished our exams (summer is finally here! Yay!!!) and as promised here's an extra long post. Please do comment below, silent readers we'd love to hear your opinions too! If you have an recommendations please let us know <3 This is a dedication to all of the ones that commented in the previous post, thank you for your patience!           Enjoy xo

I woke up and headed straight to the beach, I went kayaking just to ease my stress. I was so anxious about tomorrow; what if they don’t show up – could be good- but what if they did show up… Oh God… please make tomorrow pass by in a blink of an eye…
I went back in, Aibileen had just started preparing breakfast. I went upstairs had a shower then got dressed. I wanted to look formal; it’s the first day at the office. I wore black, the entire thing: top to bottom. I went down and sat with Aibileen to have breakfast.
Good morning dear.
Good morning Aibileen
Why are you wearing this?
Why what’s wrong?
It’s all black…
I know, so it matches my soul.
Dear, at least put on a white shirt…
Ok ok… Fine. I laughed, I took my toast with me upstairs and changed my shirt.
Much better.
I’ll be back at around 1. Then I need the driver to take me to any supermarket, I need to do the grocery shopping.
It’s all right I’ll do it instead.
No Aibileen, I want to do it. Just text me the things you need.
Ok. Take good care of yourself and good luck!

I arrived at a large building. Wow... my father did work hard for him to leave a legacy behind, for me… I got in and asked the receptionist where the offices are; she escorted me to the 33rd floor. I walked with her as she toured me around the floor, then at exactly 10 I walked in the meeting room. At first I was scared, petrified to be honest, but then everyone was so welcoming. The more I heard about their ideas, the more I loved the place and loved the employees. They’re all hardworking, which is exactly what I want. But I couldn’t judge from one day only. After the meeting my secretary guided me to my office, it was overwhelmingly impressive.. The view, my god… was just mind-blowing. I could see the metro underneath, I could see the rush hour, I could see Dubai clearly. Everything was so tidy, the furniture crisp white. Dad.. I’m going to make you proud the way you made me proud. I started looking at some of the projects that had to be done by the company, I got a taste of what its like to be in my Dad’s shoes. I didn’t want to leave; this place is going to be my new sanctuary.

I went back home, changed my clothes.
Aibileen I’m going now. I yelled as I rushed downstairs.
Take care! Don’t forget to buy the things I asked for!
I went out and closed the door, then got in the car. The driver took me to a huge supermarket located somewhere close to my house. I got down and he helped me by pushing the shopping trolley. It took me hours to buy everything Aibileen asked for and some random things I wanted. I decided to get some magazines to entertain myself. I picked out a few and right there, something unwanted welcomed me back to my past…
Claims he’s a Russian, lives a Russian life but in reality is half Saudi half Russian. Designer Vladimir ties the knot with Russian supermodel Ulyana. Exclusive wedding pictures inside!”
 He’s getting married… Correction, he is married…
I rushed towards the cashier and placed the magazines I wanted. I finally arrived home, I got in the back kitchen, about to rush my way to Aibileen and tell her what I just saw when I overheard a conversation between her and someone.
Aibileen where’s Jawaher?  I removed my heels as fast as I could so I could eavesdrop. I hid behind the door and heard everything clearly. Its… Rashed…
She went out.
Where to?
Why are you here? Its best if you leave.
I have to see her.. Please its urgent.
This is the last time I’m going to tell you this, please leave.
Aibileen! I NEED HER!!! Can’t you see? Her heart is so fragile; it is caged by all the problems and troubles she’s been through and needs to be set free. It carries a lot of things, and I shall unlock it and set it free. We both know that I am capable of doing so. Now let me in.
I’m sorry but I can’t let you in. You don’t have the permission to enter this house, especially if the person that owns it doesn’t want to see you! Now please, stop if you can just listen to me for a moment. She’s been through a lot lately… Enough heartbreaks please… I can’t stand seeing her sad anymore, isn’t it enough what you’ve done to her? I just can’t let you in she doesn’t deserve another heartbreak.
Please, all I’m asking for is a couple of private minutes with her. I promise, that if I break her heart that you shall no longer see me or hear from me ever again. Just give me a chance… Please…
The door closed, and all I could hear was one person walking towards the kitchen. It just stopped… Everything was so quiet except for my loud heartbeats that was ringing in my ears.
Jawaher… I know you’re in there… Can I come in? I dare not say a word. My throat was strangled by reality, so my actions became my words. I unconsciously walked towards him. I sat down on a chair and he pulled one and placed it in front of me. He sat on it and began talking.
I don’t know how to begin or where to begin. I’ll begin by saying I’m sorry for what I did, just saying things without even considering how much each word hurts. I was forced to marry your stepsister. I’m tired of being polite, tired of pleasing the world when I should be pleasing myself. And you, you’ve made me feel like the most special person in the world. The more he spoke, the more I loved him. Why am I surrendering when I should be fighting back? To the world you may be one person, but to one person you mean the world… I’m that one person… You know what I love? I love how when we're together all your pain and suffering goes away like it never exists. And I need to tell you this before its too late… I love you…
I stayed quiet. I did not look into his eyes; instead I kept my gaze fixed on the details of the floor. My feelings were clouding my thoughts, my eyes soon became blurry…
My limbs have been backstabbed so many times; they can no longer tolerate the pain.
I promise that I am never going to leave you ever again.
I lost you once. And look at me now; I’m so much better. What guarantees me that I won’t lose you again?
I’ll be right here with you because you’ve been right here with me all along. Someone’s got to take care of you, and that’ll be me.
When you left me… I let it be. Because I was so afraid, I still am, and will always be afraid that’ll you’ll compare me to everyone. Because I know I can’t compete. I thought to myself maybe he left me.. Because I wasn’t good enough… There are so many things I wish I didn’t do in the past, so many regretful shameful things that I’ve done.
The past is a lesson; so don’t be afraid to look back. Instead, confront it and fight your fears and obstacles. Everyone has fault, errors or mistakes. And that doesn’t make me hate you or dislike you; instead it makes me love you more for it. Perhaps I can or can’t change you, but I know I can fix you. I can mend your broken heart, just give me a chance. I won’t judge your past, forget that it even existed. Let’s start all over again
Should I just bury my past with my parents Rashed? I can’t do that… But if it weren’t for my past, I wouldn’t have been the person I am today.
I know... I said this before, but I’ll say it again and this will be the last time I say it. Please take it seriously. Jawaher, how long do I have to wait?
You make it sound like it’s in my hands… they have the upper hand, I don’t.
Luckily I came in prepared.
What do you mean…?
There he was, kneeling down on one knee… He took out a box and held my hand.
When I look into your eyes I can see my dreams, my future, my life simply unravels into a beautiful fairy tale whenever you’re with me. Being in the same room as you anywhere, even amongst a crowd of people makes my heart buzz and beat so hard pumping my life with excitement, the way you lock your eyes into mine jolts my body. You make me lose my breath; the essence of every single word touched by your lips whisks my voice away mesmerizing me more and more. I know this kitchen isn’t the perfect place to pour myself to you, but this house is where we first officially met, where I poured out my feelings to you. You cannot fathom the ocean or the constellation of stars, and that’s how my love to you is. I want you to be mine not just for life, but forever. You will be a part of me. And I’ll be apart of you. Will you marry me?
This was no joke. It’s a lifelong decision, a commitment. For a moment, my mind was blank. The only thing that was beating was my heart, I noticed I stopped breathing; I was at the peak inhaling everything in. I breathed out. I felt my heart open up, the beats were so stable, I don’t even know what’s less than a second, but bit-by-bit my heart kept on beating for him more and more and more…
Love is like the skin on top of your bones. It’ll forever be stuck on you.. no escaping. I want the whole world to know, that I love you & only you! So… I say yes. Yes Rashed I want to spend the rest of my life waking up next to you, sharing every moment with you.
The widest smile spread across his face, he jumped off of the floor and hugged me really tight.
I love you! I love you!!!
He quickly opened the box; there it was the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. It was a unique heart-shaped diamond with baguette diamonds on the side it was breath taking. He placed the ring on my ring finger and hugged me tightly; he planted kisses on my cheeks, which made my emotional state from crying from happiness to uncontrollable giggles.
Aibileen she said yes!!! He called out for her. She walked in confused. Until she walked in and saw us, he was facing her smiling, and I was hugging him from the back with my chin resting on his shoulder and my arms wrapped around his waist. She gave us the weirdest look.
What’s going on between the two of you?
We said nothing, Rashed turned his head around and we giggled, I don’t know why but we just did?
Out of the blue, she started laughing uncontrollably.
Awww! Good men are hard to find, nowadays.
All wounds heal and often they make the bond stronger. It takes time, indeed good things come to those who wait, and I believe this saying because Rashed is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
So I asked Rashed what about my stepsister and him? He said he didn’t dare proceed by proposing to her, he couldn’t.
What about your dad? I’m sure he’s going to get mad… I think it’s best if we just leave, leave everything behind and travel the world with Aibileen. We can settle in London, or perhaps somewhere were they can’t find us.
It’s not mandatory to please the entire world. What’s mandatory is that we should please ourselves only, just you and me. I don’t care what they say, what they think, or what they’ll do. This is what we want, and this is what’s going to happen. We will have a wedding, because every girl deserves her moment.
He placed his hands on mine. I cannot possible emphasize on how much I actually love it when he fills in the gaps between my fingers, the way he intertwines his fingers with mine… a love story no one could possibly imagine. Even the tiniest, smallest part of me loves him…We spent the rest of the night together, I felt so happy so secure it was indescribable. I never felt this way before.

The next day…
Rashed and I went kayaking in the morning, and then we had breakfast together. 
During the afternoon, people started to arrive at my place. I was so worried, how are we going to tell them? The more I thought about it the more frightened I was.
I greeted everyone and Aibileen directed him or her towards the living room. The barbeque was set out outside. Rashed came and welcomed me with a peck on my cheeks.
Rashed I’m so worried…
What for?
How are we going to tell them? What if things don’t turn out to be the way we want it to be… I don’t want things to come in between us…
He cupped my face. Don’t worry everything is under control. The he placed a soft kiss on the tip of my nose. I blushed I know they saw me which made me even more nervous. Every time he looked at me, I felt safer.

You know what they say: after a hurricane comes a rainbow. Things did go out of control for a moment, my uncle was extremely angry; my stepsister said something very harsh.
She’s a devil in disguise; don’t be fooled by her angelic appearance. She spat out in anger.
They keep comparing me to the devil, and then I shall show them who the real devil is…
Whether you like it or not. I am the one who makes the decision. You either respect my decision or get the hell out of here. She is my wife and you are going to respect her. With that the placed hushed.
I walked closer to Rashed then placed my fingers on his chin, just the tip of it, holding it firmly. I came closer and kissed his cheek. He looked at me, smiling blankly. Just felt like it I said as I walked away. Drop the bomb and walk away. If that’s what they want then that’s what they’re going to get. my stepfamily stormed out of the place they all hated me even more. Well... Now the drama is over!