Friday, 30 November 2012

Traffic Lights {14}

I could say that last night was one of the worst nights ever because Aibileen left. I called her phone so many times, she didn’t pick up and then I realised that she left it lying on her bed on silent… I felt so torn. Torn, lost and struggling to find where I belong yet the answers seem to oblige a lot of hard work but they’re right there in front of me. A part of me wants to stay here and continue what I’m doing because I like it, in fact I love it here and what I’m doing which is why I don’t want to stop. But then I just left my true other half walkaway and a part of me didn’t allow that to happen. I got on my own two feet hurrying and pushing myself between the crowd to get to the first plane to Paris, her hometown.
And there amongst the people, I see a familiar silhouette standing, waiting for the steward to cut her ticket to enter the plane. I was just, -emphasizing on the just-, on time.
Aibileen She didn’t turn around. I grabbed her hand and stopped her. Don’t do this.. You know me better than me knowing myself. I didn’t mean it; I take back everything I said.
What if you meant what you were saying? That every word that came out of your mouth was true? She turned around. Her waterline pink from crying, her eyes puffed up and her nose was a bright shade of pink. I feel like I cannot stay any longer, everyday I realise how much of a responsibility you are and how I failed to raise you the way your parents wanted me to, the way they would have raised you.
Aibileen don’t say that… You are my mother, my father, my sister, my only family and my only best friend. I cried. I have no one but you. Maybe you need some time away from me, you deserve a holiday and I understand that. Think about it, please.
She patted my back, and then hugged me.
Au revoir, princesse.  She whispered the words and went through.
I stood there for hours, waiting for her. I saw her airplane take off but I still stood there. I sat down facing the door that led her to the airplane, replaying the memory. I’m all alone, again.
I don’t recall what happened next, but all I do remember was that I watched the people around me buzz around. Happy faces, sad faces. I felt so empty. What should I do next? I got up and found my way back to the apartment.

Jawaher! Oh thank god! Where were you!? I was waiting for HOURS, you were driving me crazy!!! Are you alright?
What’s wrong? Look at me!
Aibileen.. She left me. I broke down. He hugged me tightly, trying as hard as he could to stop me.

I opened my eyes. My vision was blurry. I blinked a couple of times.
Hey. He said in a low voice.
How long have I slept?
4 hours. It’s 5:47AM.
Did Aibileen call?
I turned to the other side and felt my eyes burn as the hot tears came streaming down my face. My breathing was stable.
I’m sorry.. I never wanted you to see my like this. I felt so tired. I wiped my tears and sat up. He sat beside me and hugged me. He kissed my forehead, his arms stayed firmly wrapped around me.
This is what life’s about you see, its good its bad its unfair its fair. You’ve got to pick yourself up and continue walking. You’ll face some obstacles but you have to toughen up and move on. It’s not the end of the world. It’s not the end of your path. There’s a new world yet to be discovered.
And he was right. Absolutely right.
I prepared some breakfast for the two of us. Come. He kissed my cheek once again and grabbed my hand.
I love you. I smiled. I got up with him then brushed my teeth and had a quick shower to freshen my mood up. I hope Aibileen comes back, I really do… I wasn’t bothered to get dressed, I dressed up like a homeless girl because I felt like one. After breakfast, which I must admit was absolutely delicious; we went to the same park that had the festival / carnival that we went to when I had my first kiss. We sat together on a cold bench, I was leaning on him I could hear his heartbeat through his shirt, I placed my cashmere shawl around us, wrapping ourselves like a gift and listened to his stories as I stayed in my position in silent. Our hearts unwind, as we reveal our deepest secrets that time has concealed throughout our lives, haunting us that they might come back. That one-day, we’d have to face reality.