Traffic Lights {23}

Sorry for not posting, we've been busy (not a good excuse). But we'll make it up to you! 

Enjoy xo

Have a seat. He said, in a monotone pointing at the chair facing the chair he sat on. And I instantly had this feeling deep down in my gut.

How was your flight?

Good. Silence.

I miss you… He did not look at me, instead he kept on staring outside the window. Something’s wrong, I can sense it. Something happened to him, and it’s eating me up! I want to kiss his worries away… Just so he can feel better.

Is everything all right Yousef? You’re acting a little distant…

Everything is fine.

Yousef, don’t shut me out… Something’s wrong. I placed my hands on his and softly rubbed his fingers, soothing him. He shut his eyes tightly, his forehead creased. I hope everything’s alright…

Jawaher. He opened his eyes and coldly stared at me, he had this lost expression then he broke the tense eye contact between us.

Have you ever heard of the word “Razbliuto”? He questioned, staring outside allowing the light to touch one side of his face, highlighting his beauty.

No.

It’s a Russian word to describe that empty feeling you have for someone you once loved, but no longer love.

What do you mean?

I am no longer interested in you, I’m sorry. We need to break up. I looked at him for so long. Waiting for an explanation. A reason. Was it something I did? Was it something I said? He must be kidding, right?

Except… He wasn’t.

That’s it? You won’t explain why you no longer love me? Is it something I did? Is it because I travelled and I didn’t tell you? What did I do? I can make it up for you. Is it because I quit modeling, I don’t mind going back. Please Yousef just… Just tell me why! I-

Stop making it so difficult on both of us! He interrupted. Why is he angry? What did I do? Falling in love with you was a mistake! He punched the seat beside him, his fists tightly clutched.

A… a mistake… I whispered the words, I felt so weak. What does he mean?

As soon as the game stopped I stepped out of the box and walked away on my own.

Jawaher. I’m sorry. You’re not; I’m still in shock… What have you done?

I kept on walking. Deep down within me, something was telling me that he wasn’t thinking straight, things went on too fast. He made a mistake; maybe he’s just fooling around! I’m sure he is. I’m not giving up that easily on the love we built all along.

I went to his place and impatiently knocked on his door. Yousef! Yousef I know you’re in there! Open the door. Yousef! You-

What?! He hissed. As he opened the door, I could smell a smell of strong booze and cigarettes that clung into his clothes. His eyes rimmed with a bloodshot red line, was he crying?

Give me a reason. Please! I know you didn’t mean to say all of that. I believe in you Yousef, I always will. You know how much I love you, and I know that you love me too! Don’t do this, for the two of us..

A reason? Just one? Because I can list you an entire catalog of reasons why! Don’t you get it?! Stop acting like a damned lost puppy that keeps coming back to me! I’m not someone you can rely on, and besides who the hell are you? Telling the world you’re Jawaher AlFlani when in reality you’re not! How do you expect me to trust someone who lies to people about themselves? Huh? Wait. And to think I loved you all along, you poor thing. Why would I love you? Knowing that you’re a traitor, lying to me all along about who you are!  He laughed.

Ever heard of the term Pistanthrophobia? Because that term describes you.

No wise girl, who knows everything.

It means the fear of trusting someone. And I know you have that and some other serious issues. You’re the one who’s disgracefully hiding their own true identity because you fear that the society or the people won’t accept you for who you are! You are someone who lives a life filled with self-absorption and debauchery! I am Jawaher AlFlani whether you like it or not, so stop making up lies just to cover up your own mess! I won’t be the victim of your own hopeless crime! Dying your hair blue just to look like some Russian, aren’t you proud of who you-

Shut up! He shouted. Get out. I never want to see your face again.

Yousef… I didn’t mean to say such things.

Well you said it.

Yousef, I’m sorry… I cried, like the damned lost puppy. He went back in and slammed the door vigorously. I covered my mouth, knowing what I had said was all an accident. The words just kept on coming out of my mouth out of nowhere! But does that mean… That this is the end?