Traffic Lights {12}

This post is dedicated to The chic and cheap blog! Un sacco di amore e baci <3
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I’m so sorry I haven’t been writing or posting much, the past couple of weeks were hectic. With the spring semester, the fashion show that’ll take place which I’m modeling for Yousef and the rest, and I had to go to the atelier every single day for the fittings. But one thing I had to note down was the ongoing gifts that I got every single day from Yousef: outfits and flowers. They didn’t necessarily have any special occasion, he just sent them. 

Friday afternoon as planned was for Aibileen and I to go shopping together. Yousef sent me a text during the afternoon:

 Come over to my place at 7. I would like you to meet someone.

Who’s it from?

Vladimir.  He wants me to go to his apartment at 7; he wants me to meet someone.

Will you go?

Will you let me?

Well, its not like I can stop you now could I? You make your own decisions without asking for opinions or permission. Am I right? I stayed quiet. I broke the eye contact between us and I walked towards the other rack.

Look, I didn’t mean it. And you could go to Vladimir’s, but don’t take too long. I smiled and kissed her cheek.

Thank you.

Once we were done we headed back to the apartment. I quickly jumped into the shower box and had a shower. I wonder whom I’ll meet. I tied my hair up into a bun and applied some eyeliner and my signature dark red lipstick. I wore my geode and diamond earrings with a tennis bracelet. The simpler, the better.

Aibileen, I’m leaving now. I called out once I opened the door and adjusted my clothes. How do I look?

You look stunning my dear. She smiled. I kissed her cheeks and walked out. I entered the car and the driver took me to Yousef’s apartment. I checked myself once again before leaving the car; I smiled at my reflection then the driver got out to open the door for me.

Thank you.

I walked in, remembering the last time I came here and why I came. The unsteady woman that welcomed me into the apartment, every step that I took my heartbeat was louder and a bit faster, I could feel my ears heating up. I took the elevator up to his place. Once the doors opened he stood there, wearing trousers a proper shirt and a cardigan on top. He looked strangely handsome. I love how his dress code changes depending on his mood, reminds me of myself. A peck by his lips welcomed me and I blushed instantly. He held my hand and we walked in. The smell of something suspiciously delicious was being cooked. Suddenly behind the counter a beautiful, and I mean it she was really beautiful, woman stood up wearing an apron. Her golden hair neatly combed back into a perfect slick ponytail, she had a science fictional perfectly trimmed fringe; it was like her hairdresser measured each hair and precisely cut it. She looked like she was 25, not more not less. 

Hello! You must be Jawaher. The way she purred my name with her strong Russian accent. Charming. I’m Yousef’s mother. Tatiana. Mother!!! Wow.

Nice to meet you. I extended my hand and kissed her cheeks

Nice to meet you too dear, please have a seat. I obeyed. Yousef helped her with the chair then helped me. The conversation between us flowed naturally and bit-by-bit I discovered Yousef more and more. The more she spoke about her son, the more I felt special for having him; and most importantly him being the man I love.

I want to… She stopped and asked for Yousef’s help with the word – Russian talk which I didn’t understand a word but was fascinated by it! Apologize.

Yes, yes. I want to apologize. For last time you come and see me in bad condition. Oh. That explains it. She was the woman that welcomed me the first time I came here. Wow.

Oh. No no no, you don’t need to apologize. I should be the one apologizing, showing up at Yousef’s apartment without telling him that I was coming.

You’re cute I like you. She laughed. Then started talking in Russian with Yousef. Yousef looks like her I can see the resemblance, the eyes and the smile.

After dinner, I excused myself because it was getting late. I thanked them for the dinner and left.

The next day I went to the atelier. They were working really hard on the designs and dresses; I helped with some of the stitching. Alfie and Momoko left early to have some early dinner. I sat with Mia for a while then excused myself. I walked out heading towards my apartment until Yousef came by his car.

Wait. Can we go somewhere? Just the two of us…

I.. Umm… Yes. Alright.

I got into his car and he drove off. He didn't tell me where we were going. Until we stopped. Oh my!!! The last time I came to a carnival was when I was a child, with my sister and parent. I smiled, remembering the memories… He looked at me, he held my hand and we walked to the Ferris wheel.

After you, my lady. He said, such a gentleman. We reached the top and that was the first kiss I had ever had. I love you. He confessed to me. We stayed at the carnival for hours and we played all kinds of games. I felt like my childhood suddenly came back to me, and the memories kept on haunting me.

We went back to his place and his mother wasn’t there. He took me to his room. My heart beating so loud and so fast it felt so weird being in his room with him on our own.

Come. He whispered in my ears and took me by the hand to the balcony. It was prepared. Magical was the right word. There were candles all over the place with rose petals scattered here and there; just like the movies. There was a swing chair for two with pillows and a blanket, a table set up with delicious desserts and a chocolate fountain with berries and marshmallows on the side.

Wow. Yousef you didn’t have to.

Trust me, I do. You deserve much more. I blushed. He put on some classic music on: Sinatra. What a coincidence... Just what I needed right now. He dimmed the lights, and kept the candles only then removed his blazer and walked towards me. Shall we? He said seductively, inviting me to join. I could feel my ears burning, my face turning into a shade of red that matched my hair. I could barely breathe at a situation like that, as if my voice was locked in a box that required a key to go in my throat and unlock it. My body replied instead, my hand slid into his softly, and my legs helped carry me towards the open space. He placed his warm hand behind my back; once he touched me, I felt my body senses’ awaken, something extraordinary: just a touch made me alive. We stayed quiet for a moment. One ear just listening to the background music and the other listening to the most enchanting tune in the whole wide world; his heartbeats. Steady. The music ended and he sat down on the swing chair and patted the tiny space beside him for me to join him. And I did.

Tell me a story....

What kind of story?

A story about Baby Yousef. I said as I tangled my fingers with his.

Baby Yousef, eh? Well you see my father: who’s currently married to my mother but has a gazillion other ladies in his life... Is a drinker. I’m saying wrong things  about him, but if it weren’t for him I wouldn’t have been here. I wouldn’t have been the Yousef I am now. I know you’re thinking is this guy stupid or what? Walking around with his blue hair and suits everyday. This is just an image, I am more... deep within me, much much more. And surprisingly you’re a really good listener and once someone’s with you they can open up to you, blurt all the worries and shameful sins they’ve done. My aunts thought I’m gay, hated me for who I was and my cousins just went with the flow; they envied who my father is and me. I on the other hand, took this form of hatred and expressed it through my own way: fashion. I left Elmamlakah/Saudi a long time ago with my mother who is hated by the entire family. We settled in Russia for a couple of years then moved to the States and then a bizarre idea popped in my mind and out of the blue I’m here in Tokyo. How? I have no idea. But I feel like I’m with the right people, in the right environment. As if I belong here but also belong somewhere else; beyond Tokyo. I looked at him, speechless. How can one be so happy with the most horrible past? And then I remembered myself. What’s wrong? He asked, concerned.

You remind me of myself.

How?

With the horrible past you experienced with your cousins and family. Except you see, my story is different. I inhaled deeply. Are you ready? He nodded his eyes narrowing down; concentrating. My father Rashed AlX, was married to Laila AlX an Emirati. Laila gave birth to 3 beautiful girls. 7amda, 3alya and Maitha. I’m not in the picture because I’m not part of that family. Daddy then married a woman called Farah / Fara7 who’s half Persian half Indian who passed away giving birth to twins. Ro’9a and Jawaher. Ro’9a was the twin with the weaker heart. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She had blue eyes like yours with a hint of grey, it reminded me of snowflakes. She is much much much prettier than me. My father passed away when we were 7, followed by my twin sister who promised that she would always be by my side; who promised she would never leave me… She left me all alone. I miss them… I looked the other way. And cried, the more I remembered the more painful it was. I’m sorry… He hugged me tightly. I suddenly felt lighter, like part of the pain was lifted. I hugged him back, it calmed me down.

Notice how one ear has 7 piercings? And the other one has 4. The 7 piercings are for the letters on my name j-a-w-a-h-e-r and the 4 is for r-o-d-a. She always used to spell her name as roda which annoyed me so much. I remember once when my last tooth fell, I placed it under my pillow hoping and wishing for the tooth fairy to bring my sister and parents back… I woke up the next morning and found a bunch of money tied together with a golden ribbon. I cried so much… I yelled out loud and screamed in anger and fear I wanted to strangle the tooth fairy to death. The maids rushed in worried. I threw the money and went out for a walk in the garden. Aibileen watched from far and let me loosen up and open my mind and suck my surroundings. So one day when I had my spring holiday, I was having my breakfast on my own and Aibileen rushed in, she told me to follow her. That day I watched a bird break free from its shell; the mother fed it and kept it warm. A few weeks later that same bird flew away free, and my sister came up in my mind…. 

I’m an only child too.. Nobody understands the feeling or the need to have someone else; especially a sibling who could be by your side. Whom you could challenge and talk to and play with, I always prayed to god that I could have a brother that would share his passions with mine or even a sister that I could play dress up with. The night I laid my eyes on you, I know this sounds cheesy but you made my soul complete once I knew you love me.

He kissed my lips that raged my blood like a chemical reaction.

We sat for hours and hours just talking about ourselves, getting to know each other more and more. I started panicking when I knew the time. Yousef drove me back to the apartment. I unlocked the door then removed my heels. I carefully walked in trying not to make any noise. I closed the door slowly behind me. And there she was, sitting with only one lamp switched on which made only one side of her face visible.

Explain.
Shit... 

Ramadan Kareem - رمضان كريم

Four days have already passed and we totally forgot to wish our beloved readers Ramadan Kareem! An amazing month that everyone awaits every year to celebrate together, stay up all night and eat the yummiest food. We hope each and every one of you are enjoying it as much as we are!


كل عام وانتم بخير 
Lots of love,
Lady M & Princess R
Xxxxx

Traffic Lights {11}

I woke up from a tense dream. The usual. I got up and unlocked my door then opened it and the smell of fresh buttery pancakes filled my lungs as I inhaled deeply to the delicious smell. Today is going to be a good day, I know, I can feel it. I picked out an outfit that would clearly reflect my mood. My first class got cancelled so I just have a class today.

I showered and applied some makeup, extremely simple but with dark lips to exaggerate the look so I went for Tom Ford Black Orchid. I heard Aibileen laugh, so I hurried and tied my hair up into a high bun and walked out. – I was curious!

Bonjour Jawaher!

Bonjour beautiful! Now that’s more like it. Now I know why Aibileen was happy, because he was here.

Bonjour! He got up and kissed my cheeks. I blushed. Aibileen smiled, she knew I was falling in love with him.

We talked, and today out of all the days I loved him more than ever, I don’t know it’s just this fatal attraction… So soon? I’m lost, and he manages to sweep me off of my feet and carry me with him in the clouds.

Thank you Aibileen. See you two, I have a class to attend in 30 minutes. I got up and kissed Aibileen on her cheeks.

Jawaher wait. I’ll drop you off. Thank you Aibileen for making this deliciously mouthwatering food. He kissed her hand softly, and winked. Aibileen blushed.

We arrived in 15 minutes.

Thank you. I smiled. I was about to open the door and walk out but he held my wrist.

Wait. He looked at me. I didn’t want to leave; I wanted to stay with him, just the two of us, alone. I bit my lip, holding back my smile. I looked down. How long will I have to stay quiet? 

I have to go.

I love you. He smiled, that deep generous smile that wraps its fingers around your heart reassuring you, you belong to him. I smiled back, got out and walked into the building.

Once I entered the class he texted me saying he wanted to have dinner with me. I replied back minutes later.

Class was over, and I was on my way back to the apartment. Once I unlocked the door, the scent of vanilla and custard aroma was filled in the air. Aibileen was making crème brûlée, which she does during special occasions.

Ah, that explains. Yousef is here! I said hello and I went to my room and had a shower. When I walked in my closet, there was a black bag that hung on the rack but had a note on it. The note read:

To the most beautiful lady, this dress was hand made especially for you.

From Yousef AlX.

I couldn’t stop blushing. Tears of joy filled my eyes. It was a stunning short dress; black, one of my favorite colours. I put in on and admired the ladylike elegance, the way it exquisitely draped at the back revealing my back was utterly breathtaking. I put on my heels and tied my hair into a neat high bun. My makeup was subtle, with the eyeshadow barely showing, I had to exaggerate my lips by applying dark red lipstick. I wore a long diamond earring with a pearl at the end.

I opened the door and walked out.

He inhaled deeply as I walked closer. Wow… He smiled.

I kissed Aibileen and walked out of the apartment with Yousef holding my hand.

The car ride was the highlight of the month.

Listen, this song is what you do to me. He said and out of the blue the speakers blasted off playing Michael Jackson- The Way You Make Me Feel, and for a split second I got a tingle, a shiver. I laughed. He sang out loud as the music started and looked at me. My cheeks were about to melt!!!!

We arrived.  He booked a private table for two, outside with the spectacular view underneath us.

While we were waiting for the waiter to get him the receipt I got up and stood by the glass barrier. He got up and stood beside me. I watch the world move, below. Where was I all along? I’d never seen Tokyo this beautiful. I watched him as he watches me, while he takes a looooong drag out of his cigar. I walk closer towards him, and took the cigar away.  It’s either this or me. And I threw it on the floor, my heel killing it slowly. I did not take my eyes off of him and neither did he…

He moved and stood right behind me, pressing his body on mine. He placed his hand gently on top of mine and the other one was on my waist. He kissed my cheeks, then my neck softly, tenderly. Then I turned around and he smiled. I came closer to him and kissed his cheek, for the first time because I felt like he deserved it. I was lost in his eyes and lost in my own train of thoughts, he came closer, millimetres away. We were so close, until the waiter interrupted us then excusing himself for coming at the wrong time. I blushed. He paid and we left. 

I had a weird feeling, and he could sense it. Something was about to happen. I got up and adjusted my outfit. And we walked in, we got into the elevator and walked towards my apartment.Thank you for everything.. I smiled, about to unlock the door and enter. 

Jawaher. He grabbed my arm. A7ibik. Even the way he said it made my heart beat so hard and fast. His voice was insanely beautiful. I turned around and hugged him. I can no longer control myself nor my feelings. I love you with all my heart and soul. 

Traffic Lights {10}

Sweat droplets trickling down my chest, to my tummy, my arms rolling up into fists, clinging stronger… my body hits it harder, every time I scream louder… I kept punching and kicking the punching bag, releasing all the stress, all the anger, and all the fear, everything within me. I wiped my face with my towel, drank water like a beast then continued the next 3 hours of my day in the gym with Jo, my trainer. Lets rewind it back a few hours earlier, shall we?

Flashback

Jawaher darling, Jo is here!

Coming! I said, as I quickly got into my shorts and tied the strings together then put on my workout bra top.

Jay!

Hello. I kissed his cheeks and we walked into the gym. 

Firstly we started by warming up which consisted of 30 minutes boxing, then 3 sets of pushups 30 reps, sit ups 3 sets as well, bicycle crunch 3 sets and finally reverse crunch 3 sets. And then we officially began boxing and wrestling against each other in the ring; with boxing mouth-guards in our mouths and helmets on we began! Aibileen was in the back jogging on the treadmill listening to music while we unleashed our power and energy against each other.

The first few punches and kicks were all right, but then I knew I had to pin him down, all this work out isn’t going to waste. I punched his tummy, I kicked his arms and it went on. I ducked my face, avoiding his power punches; his arms flying in from all sides. I ducked, I guarded my face, I am not going to fall, and I won't let him knock me down. He was opened, he bounces left to right getting his balance back and I jumped in, serving him fast punches adding a few kicks here and there as a sprinkle on top then knocked him down. He got back up, pushing and punching, trying to throw me down. And he managed to knock me down with a kick on my knee, I fell, as I was about to get myself up he sat on top of me pinning me, I struggled to move. I had a few seconds left until I was officially going to lose against him, so locked my legs around him and rolled him over to the other side, forcing my body to be on top of his; pinning him to the ground. I pushed his face to the floor, and grabbed his arms tightly, securing them in place so he doesn’t move. He tapped his feet 3 times assuring me he gave up.

I removed my mouth guard. I let go of his hands, and he removed his mouth guard.

Damn Jay, that was amazing! You really did improve! These 3 hours highlighted my month. And your punches and kicks are much stronger, you're somehow more focused. 

Bravo! He said, whilst walking slowly towards us, clapping with a smile on his face. I got off of Jo and sat beside him. Blushing because I was sitting on top of Jo and because Yousef caught me off-guard. I wasn’t sure if he was being sarcastic or if he was really happy, it felt more of a sarcastic compliment.

Things were getting more and more awkward, and Jo felt the tension building up in the room so he excused himself and got into the bathroom and showered.

And that’s how things ended up, I said hello then went into my room and had a shower. I got dressed then sat down on the dining table beside Aibileen; Jo sat beside Yousef (double awkward, note to self: Work out earlier)

Jo this is Vladimir, Vladimir this is Jo. Vladimir, Jo is my trainer. I met him at the health and rehabilitation center here in Japan, he was my gym instructor and then we became really good friends.

Nice to meet you, I’m Jawaher’s friend.

Lunch passed by swiftly.

Thank you for the lunch, and Jawaher we should do it more often I really had fun today. Ps. I have to beat you up, I won’t let you win on me next time. He winked then got up and walked out.

Aibileen prepared some desserts and tea and we sat down together. Yousef sat down beside me and held a hand, Aibileen gave me a weird look and straightaway I knew she was going to lecture me about it, but I couldn’t control it. I can’t control my feelings towards Yousef and naturally whatever he does suddenly changes my mood; I feel calm and secure which is something I haven’t felt in a very long time… 

Traffic Lights {9}

I was calling out for them. I screamed my lungs out, I yelled until my voice disappeared.

Jawaher….

Jawaher…

Jawaher wake up…

I felt strong nudges, and heard soft whispers calling my name. I opened my eyes, slowly adjusting to what’s happening.

Wake up, princesse. She said, emphasizing on the French.

I opened my eyes, this time I was wide-awake.

I need water… Aibileen walked by the table and poured me a glass of water. What time is it?

2:31 PM. Shit!

What?! I sat up straight and looked around me.. How did I get in bed? I looked at myself. Then I looked around. Shit. Where’s Yousef? I hope he’s fine…
Why are you blushing? Ma petite fille?

Am I? It must be because of the thick layers on top of me. I lied. I got up and walked straight to the bathroom. I had a shower then wrapped a towel around my body and walked into my closet. I picked out something appropriate for the cold weather since it was still raining lightly. I wore my clothes then wore a trench coat on top.. I French-braid my hair and applied a bit of nude lipstick.

Aibileen, I’ll be back in a few hours, I wont take so long. I’ll be back for dinner.

I got an apple- avoiding Aibileen's "lecture"- and kissed her cheek and left. I tossed the apple in my bag and got out my umbrella once I walked out of the building.

I called Mia for directions. Once I arrived I realised that his building was only a few blocks away.

I went up to his floor, and then walked down the marble floored hallway with beautiful Japanese paintings on the wall. A large black door, with golden embroidery had the initials VY on it. I pressed on the shiny golden button that had a small bell carved through the button, waiting impatiently for him to open the door.  

The door opened, a beautiful blonde woman stood in between blocking the entrance in her long lace trimmed silk satin robe that barely covered her satin bra and briefs holding a nearly empty glass in one hand and a large dark green bottle in the other. Her blue eyes were beautiful, but she looked extremely tired with puffed red eyes and smudged eyeliner.

Yes? Her smell of strong cigarettes was spreading around.

Is this Vladimir’s apartment?

What do you want? Are you one of his girlfriends? He’s not here. She could barely speak and her eyelids were slowly shutting, she was out of balance. I wasn’t sure if she was being rude or whether she was drunk? She was about to close the door when he showed up, my heart raced. What was I thinking, I just made the wrong move and came all the way here, I should’ve just called. He’s most probably busy…

Jawaher!

I’m sorry I did not mean to show up at this time of the day by your doorstep. I… Umm… I ran out of words, it was hard for me to speak. I wasn’t sure why I was on the verge of crying. But he said a few Russian words and took the beautiful blonde woman and interrupted me.

Come in. Please. He felt sympathetic, his eyes filled with guilt. I felt the dryness in my throat slowly climb up to my eyes.

He carried her all the way to one of the rooms and left it slightly opened. He placed the cup on the sink and washed it, and threw the bottle in the bin.

I did not expect you to come here.

I’m sorry, but I was so worried about you… About last night. How are you?

I’m fine thank you. And I’m sorry about last night; I didn’t mean to scare you or anything…

No! Not at all. My place is your place; you’re welcome any time. I smiled.

The silence was slowly taking over. I wanted to get out, the scene a few minutes ago kept on playing and I was so curious I wanted to know who she was! Was all what he said last night a lie? Telling me he loved me and now I catch him with some woman who was somehow naked! 

Well, I should be going it’s late and I promised Aibileen I was going to have dinner with her. Can you join us?

I’m sorry I can’t. I was waiting for an explanation but he did not continue his sentence. I was waiting for him to tell me who that lady was, but he did not speak. I got up and walked towards the door. He walked in front then looked at me.

He cupped my face with his cold hands.

Your cheeks are so warm. His eyes dazed out. My heartbeats rising, my breathing became unsteady. He kissed my forehead sucking away all my confidence. His kiss stung my heart, poisoning it with the venom of love. What have I done? I love you. I blushed. He held my hand and squeezed it gently then smiled. 

Traffic Lights {8}

Dedicated to Noonzii, sorry for the delay, but we tried our best! Enjoy x

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I opened the door immediately after hesitating for seconds thinking whether I should let him in or not.

Yousef what are you doing?! Come in…

His hands were shaking cold, I ran into my room and got him a think furry blanket and a huge woolly cardigan and some thick socks. I helped him remove his hoodie and shirt. It was the first time I had ever seen him wear something out of his comfort zone, which to me was suits. I lit the fire in the mantel and sat beside him, covering him up. Something was distracting him and I was unsure of what was happening in his mind, but I was deeply concerned. I walked in the kitchen and made him some hot chocolate topped with marshmallows, M&Ms and whipped cream. I got the cookie jar with me and placed it on the table and handed him his hot chocolate. We sat there for what seemed like hours, but it was only a few quiet minutes. He was drinking his hot chocolate and I was listening to the fire cracking, the rain pouring and thunder roaring, the sounds of nature against human breathing. 
I’m sorry for scaring you. He was staring at his mug.
I hugged him from the side uncontrollably, I wasn’t sure of what I was doing.Yousef, I’m always here for you. I held his hand. I know that was very unexpected, but are you fine? He turned around facing me. His light blue eyes, with the reflection of the fire on the side, were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, the combination of fire and ice with such beauty. I could hear his heartbeat through his shirt, his heavy breathing, the small sweat drops forming on his forehead, the way his eyebrows moved; how unsure he was of what he was about to say.
I don’t know what was clouding my thoughts, but whenever I think of something you’re there. Ab’3a agoolik shay, but I’m too scared of what’s about to happen. I’ve been overthinking, my mind is about to explode because of all the sleepless nights and struggles. He placed our hands on my bare knees, his touch sent shivers down my spine. Jawaher, please understand what I’m about to say is very difficult for me, but please listen till the end. When I first saw you, I wasn’t sure what was going on, whether I was unsure of you? Or whether I was madly in love. I had mixed emotions but I was spurning them every time you showed up. The day you set foot in the atelier was the day my life dramatically changed, and once you knew about me I thought there is a meaning to life after all, that there are people out there that are bothered and have spent some time trying to find out more about you, so you mean something to them. And more importantly she respects me even though I’m trying to hide away from my past. Because you saw me for being Yousef and not Vladimir and you accepted me… Please always know that I love you more than anything else in the world. And I’m here because I feel safe when I’m with you; whenever you’re around I am calm... I love you too... I thought in my mind. But its too soon.. It was getting awkward, I was running out of words.. I didn’t know what to say. And every time he looked at me I would blush even more, my face burning 10x more. He stared sneezing, once twice until it got a bit out of control, and then it got serious. I checked his temperature with a thermometer, disappointed that he has a fever.Stay here for the night until you feel better. Seems like it’s going to rain until the morning. As much as I hated the rain, I was very happy that he was staying. And I thanked god that if rain would bring us together, then let it rain.  I went back into the kitchen and prepared him a traditional medicine Aibileen taught me that helps fight the flu/fever: a cup of warm water, honey and lemon (chamomile is optional).
Thank you. He said as a warm smile spread across his face. I went back in my room and got myself a blanket and some socks. I sat beside him, staring at the fire as it slowly invaded the wooden logs; I tucked my knees in and hugged them to stop the heat from escaping and the cold from entering. I don't remember what happened next... But my heart ached for more.. 

Traffic Lights {7}

Excuse me sir; I need to talk to you for a second. Said the teacher’s secretary. He excused himself and walked out, it took him only a few seconds and he walked back in, he looked somehow concerned.

Jawaher al Flani, raise your hand please. I was surprised, so I slowly raised my hand up.

Yes sir. I stood up.

Someone outside needs you, some kind of urgent business. He looked at me, disappointed.

Class is dismissed, and Jawaher before you leave I need to have a word with you. My stomach was slowly turning into knots. I was worried. What happened? Why is he acting this way?

Can you please explain what’s going on?

What do you mean, sir?

Your grades are slowly falling, you’re mind is always in some other world, you’re not participating much in all of your classes. All your teachers are worried. What is it that is bothering you? What’s happening?

I felt dryness in my throat, I was still staring, I did not want to break the eye contact between us. But I had to. And so I did, I looked at the ground feeling a bit ashamed because of the lie I was about to blurt out.

Well my family was just concerned because I didn’t fly back to Dubai during the winter break and you know how it is, the time difference and all, we tend to Skype all night and I can't catch up with my normal routine and I’ve been working lately, everything is just messed up, you know? I just need to figure things out. I promise I’ll fix things and let everything go back to normal just the way it was.

Be careful young lady. I know I’m just an old teacher, but you are like my daughter. And I don’t want my daughter to hang out with people like the one that is waiting for you outside. Pointing at the car outside. My heartbeats accelerated.

Oh, V? He’s just an old family friend. He’s a good gentleman; don’t be fooled by his appearance. And thank you for your concern sir. I walked outside the building. And there he was, well dressed in his tailored suit leaning on his car while most of the students that passed by looked at him. He inhaled his cigarette closing his eyes and enjoying the moment. He took one last drag, and then gently flicked the cigarette with his finger as it flew in the air and hit the ground; his polished Italian shoes killed it.

Good morning beautiful! He slid his hand in mine and pulled it up to his lips and kissed it.

Good morning to you too. How are you?

El7emdellah good, you? That was the first time I ever heard him speak in Arabic. And let me tell you, that was the most seducing thing ever! I couldn’t stop blushing.

El7emdellah, I’m fine thank you. I bit my lower lip, trying to stop myself from blushing and laughing at how ridiculously stupid I looked.

We got in and we drove on our way to my 23rd photo shoot. The past months were a hectic and such a headache, I couldn’t cope with all the pressure, with finals and work and going to the atelier and trying to balance it by spending time with Aibileen. All in all it was just too much.

I looked at him, as we stopped by the traffic lights.

Yousef… Are you mad at me because I found out about you?

No. Why would I ever be angry? I found out all about you and I think we’re equal now. He held my hand.

This photo shoot was quite different to the others. It was more intense in a sense. The whole story was about a girl who was lost in her fairy tales but was found by a charming young prince dressed in tuxedos and instead of being on horsebacks he was driving luxurious cars; he made her the happiest girl.

I couldn’t believe we were finally done with that photo shoot; it was so long and so tiring. I barely slept last night. Or the nights before, surely I had dark circles under my eyes. I need a break, I want to fly away, just me and forget the world…

Once I dipped in the warm bubble bath I switched on the TV. That’s how bored I was, done working out, done with all the work. I barely switch on the TV. “If you’re good at something, never do it for free”- The Joker from Batman the Dark Knight was the first thing that was said and the first thing that caught my attention. I continued watching the movie; I was so engrossed. All my attention was to the screen. The movie ended, that was fast. I washed up then dried myself and put on my silk-satin kimono robe with my nightwear underneath. I went back to my room and put on some classic mixture of Beethoven, Mozart and Vivaldi and lied down on my bed. I wonder why I’m doing this. Why I bothered signing up to a modelling agency. What am I going to get from it? Is it beneficial? But with every question being asked, the answers were painful indeed, answers of flashbacks of Yousef and me. I want to go back, back to where I belong... Somewhere I myself don’t know where it is....

I closed my eyes. Darkness. Black. So peaceful.

I woke up from the loud noise coming from my opened window. It was raining heavily, thunder and lightning. I shivered; I got up and closed the window. 3:02AM, I unlocked my door and walked outside towards the living room. I turned on the kettle and made myself some chamomile tea and had Aibileen’s homemade cookies as a light snack. I sat down. I had a weird feeling growing within me, I was scared from the weather outside but what really scared me was the light knocking on the door. I wrapped my robe even tighter around my body; I wore my sandals and walked up to the door. I looked through the hole, and saw a man wearing his hoodie over his head drenched in water standing outside shivering. He knocked again, this time he looked at the hole. My heart stopped. It can’t be….