Traffic Lights {12}

This post is dedicated to The chic and cheap blog! Un sacco di amore e baci <3
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I’m so sorry I haven’t been writing or posting much, the past couple of weeks were hectic. With the spring semester, the fashion show that’ll take place which I’m modeling for Yousef and the rest, and I had to go to the atelier every single day for the fittings. But one thing I had to note down was the ongoing gifts that I got every single day from Yousef: outfits and flowers. They didn’t necessarily have any special occasion, he just sent them. 

Friday afternoon as planned was for Aibileen and I to go shopping together. Yousef sent me a text during the afternoon:

 Come over to my place at 7. I would like you to meet someone.

Who’s it from?

Vladimir.  He wants me to go to his apartment at 7; he wants me to meet someone.

Will you go?

Will you let me?

Well, its not like I can stop you now could I? You make your own decisions without asking for opinions or permission. Am I right? I stayed quiet. I broke the eye contact between us and I walked towards the other rack.

Look, I didn’t mean it. And you could go to Vladimir’s, but don’t take too long. I smiled and kissed her cheek.

Thank you.

Once we were done we headed back to the apartment. I quickly jumped into the shower box and had a shower. I wonder whom I’ll meet. I tied my hair up into a bun and applied some eyeliner and my signature dark red lipstick. I wore my geode and diamond earrings with a tennis bracelet. The simpler, the better.

Aibileen, I’m leaving now. I called out once I opened the door and adjusted my clothes. How do I look?

You look stunning my dear. She smiled. I kissed her cheeks and walked out. I entered the car and the driver took me to Yousef’s apartment. I checked myself once again before leaving the car; I smiled at my reflection then the driver got out to open the door for me.

Thank you.

I walked in, remembering the last time I came here and why I came. The unsteady woman that welcomed me into the apartment, every step that I took my heartbeat was louder and a bit faster, I could feel my ears heating up. I took the elevator up to his place. Once the doors opened he stood there, wearing trousers a proper shirt and a cardigan on top. He looked strangely handsome. I love how his dress code changes depending on his mood, reminds me of myself. A peck by his lips welcomed me and I blushed instantly. He held my hand and we walked in. The smell of something suspiciously delicious was being cooked. Suddenly behind the counter a beautiful, and I mean it she was really beautiful, woman stood up wearing an apron. Her golden hair neatly combed back into a perfect slick ponytail, she had a science fictional perfectly trimmed fringe; it was like her hairdresser measured each hair and precisely cut it. She looked like she was 25, not more not less. 

Hello! You must be Jawaher. The way she purred my name with her strong Russian accent. Charming. I’m Yousef’s mother. Tatiana. Mother!!! Wow.

Nice to meet you. I extended my hand and kissed her cheeks

Nice to meet you too dear, please have a seat. I obeyed. Yousef helped her with the chair then helped me. The conversation between us flowed naturally and bit-by-bit I discovered Yousef more and more. The more she spoke about her son, the more I felt special for having him; and most importantly him being the man I love.

I want to… She stopped and asked for Yousef’s help with the word – Russian talk which I didn’t understand a word but was fascinated by it! Apologize.

Yes, yes. I want to apologize. For last time you come and see me in bad condition. Oh. That explains it. She was the woman that welcomed me the first time I came here. Wow.

Oh. No no no, you don’t need to apologize. I should be the one apologizing, showing up at Yousef’s apartment without telling him that I was coming.

You’re cute I like you. She laughed. Then started talking in Russian with Yousef. Yousef looks like her I can see the resemblance, the eyes and the smile.

After dinner, I excused myself because it was getting late. I thanked them for the dinner and left.

The next day I went to the atelier. They were working really hard on the designs and dresses; I helped with some of the stitching. Alfie and Momoko left early to have some early dinner. I sat with Mia for a while then excused myself. I walked out heading towards my apartment until Yousef came by his car.

Wait. Can we go somewhere? Just the two of us…

I.. Umm… Yes. Alright.

I got into his car and he drove off. He didn't tell me where we were going. Until we stopped. Oh my!!! The last time I came to a carnival was when I was a child, with my sister and parent. I smiled, remembering the memories… He looked at me, he held my hand and we walked to the Ferris wheel.

After you, my lady. He said, such a gentleman. We reached the top and that was the first kiss I had ever had. I love you. He confessed to me. We stayed at the carnival for hours and we played all kinds of games. I felt like my childhood suddenly came back to me, and the memories kept on haunting me.

We went back to his place and his mother wasn’t there. He took me to his room. My heart beating so loud and so fast it felt so weird being in his room with him on our own.

Come. He whispered in my ears and took me by the hand to the balcony. It was prepared. Magical was the right word. There were candles all over the place with rose petals scattered here and there; just like the movies. There was a swing chair for two with pillows and a blanket, a table set up with delicious desserts and a chocolate fountain with berries and marshmallows on the side.

Wow. Yousef you didn’t have to.

Trust me, I do. You deserve much more. I blushed. He put on some classic music on: Sinatra. What a coincidence... Just what I needed right now. He dimmed the lights, and kept the candles only then removed his blazer and walked towards me. Shall we? He said seductively, inviting me to join. I could feel my ears burning, my face turning into a shade of red that matched my hair. I could barely breathe at a situation like that, as if my voice was locked in a box that required a key to go in my throat and unlock it. My body replied instead, my hand slid into his softly, and my legs helped carry me towards the open space. He placed his warm hand behind my back; once he touched me, I felt my body senses’ awaken, something extraordinary: just a touch made me alive. We stayed quiet for a moment. One ear just listening to the background music and the other listening to the most enchanting tune in the whole wide world; his heartbeats. Steady. The music ended and he sat down on the swing chair and patted the tiny space beside him for me to join him. And I did.

Tell me a story....

What kind of story?

A story about Baby Yousef. I said as I tangled my fingers with his.

Baby Yousef, eh? Well you see my father: who’s currently married to my mother but has a gazillion other ladies in his life... Is a drinker. I’m saying wrong things  about him, but if it weren’t for him I wouldn’t have been here. I wouldn’t have been the Yousef I am now. I know you’re thinking is this guy stupid or what? Walking around with his blue hair and suits everyday. This is just an image, I am more... deep within me, much much more. And surprisingly you’re a really good listener and once someone’s with you they can open up to you, blurt all the worries and shameful sins they’ve done. My aunts thought I’m gay, hated me for who I was and my cousins just went with the flow; they envied who my father is and me. I on the other hand, took this form of hatred and expressed it through my own way: fashion. I left Elmamlakah/Saudi a long time ago with my mother who is hated by the entire family. We settled in Russia for a couple of years then moved to the States and then a bizarre idea popped in my mind and out of the blue I’m here in Tokyo. How? I have no idea. But I feel like I’m with the right people, in the right environment. As if I belong here but also belong somewhere else; beyond Tokyo. I looked at him, speechless. How can one be so happy with the most horrible past? And then I remembered myself. What’s wrong? He asked, concerned.

You remind me of myself.

How?

With the horrible past you experienced with your cousins and family. Except you see, my story is different. I inhaled deeply. Are you ready? He nodded his eyes narrowing down; concentrating. My father Rashed AlX, was married to Laila AlX an Emirati. Laila gave birth to 3 beautiful girls. 7amda, 3alya and Maitha. I’m not in the picture because I’m not part of that family. Daddy then married a woman called Farah / Fara7 who’s half Persian half Indian who passed away giving birth to twins. Ro’9a and Jawaher. Ro’9a was the twin with the weaker heart. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She had blue eyes like yours with a hint of grey, it reminded me of snowflakes. She is much much much prettier than me. My father passed away when we were 7, followed by my twin sister who promised that she would always be by my side; who promised she would never leave me… She left me all alone. I miss them… I looked the other way. And cried, the more I remembered the more painful it was. I’m sorry… He hugged me tightly. I suddenly felt lighter, like part of the pain was lifted. I hugged him back, it calmed me down.

Notice how one ear has 7 piercings? And the other one has 4. The 7 piercings are for the letters on my name j-a-w-a-h-e-r and the 4 is for r-o-d-a. She always used to spell her name as roda which annoyed me so much. I remember once when my last tooth fell, I placed it under my pillow hoping and wishing for the tooth fairy to bring my sister and parents back… I woke up the next morning and found a bunch of money tied together with a golden ribbon. I cried so much… I yelled out loud and screamed in anger and fear I wanted to strangle the tooth fairy to death. The maids rushed in worried. I threw the money and went out for a walk in the garden. Aibileen watched from far and let me loosen up and open my mind and suck my surroundings. So one day when I had my spring holiday, I was having my breakfast on my own and Aibileen rushed in, she told me to follow her. That day I watched a bird break free from its shell; the mother fed it and kept it warm. A few weeks later that same bird flew away free, and my sister came up in my mind…. 

I’m an only child too.. Nobody understands the feeling or the need to have someone else; especially a sibling who could be by your side. Whom you could challenge and talk to and play with, I always prayed to god that I could have a brother that would share his passions with mine or even a sister that I could play dress up with. The night I laid my eyes on you, I know this sounds cheesy but you made my soul complete once I knew you love me.

He kissed my lips that raged my blood like a chemical reaction.

We sat for hours and hours just talking about ourselves, getting to know each other more and more. I started panicking when I knew the time. Yousef drove me back to the apartment. I unlocked the door then removed my heels. I carefully walked in trying not to make any noise. I closed the door slowly behind me. And there she was, sitting with only one lamp switched on which made only one side of her face visible.

Explain.
Shit...