Traffic Lights {27}

Our dearest most beloved readers; 

We have noticed how creative our readers are and how you all have some interesting solutions to certain events in the story so we decided to change the story a bit and integrate your solutions with the events, thank you for being so active. We look forward to reading your ideas! 

Enjoy xo

Jump….

Go on…

Do it..

All it took was a jump. The leap of faith. But I couldn’t. I just could not do it. I wanted to, I really did. So what will happen if I jumped from the 23^rd floor? Would I survive or would my bones get crushed the instant I land? Stupid question, let’s give it a shot. But what if I was somehow lucky and survived, I’d be forever disabled and probably in a coma. But I can’t think of a better place to be in, to end my life and finally see my parents and sister! What more do I want?

But there’s a reason why I was the one who survived and not them, why I was born with the stronger heart and not Rodha… My muscles froze, I couldn’t even move. My memories are numbing me as if I had a seizure.

JAWAHER! What are you doing? Aibileen ran as fast as she could. Move away from the railing Jawaher. Please… She was stuttering, shaking in fear.

Why!!! Why didn’t God take me away instead of my family? Why wasn’t I the one who was born with the weaker heart? I no longer want to live, I’ve had enough! ENOUGH!!! I have to jump. This is it. My fingers that are frozen to death from the fear and are slowly slipping away. A flashback suddenly haunted me. I don’t want to die…. What am I doing? Now I know the meaning of ‘I love him to death’, or the fact that death is sweeter than suffering.

Please Jawaher… Just.. Hold my hand, just hold my hand. We can go through this the right way together..

What a fool I am…  Jump... 

I can't.... 

I climbed back to the other side slowly safely; Aibileen then dragged me towards the window. She hugged me so hard, crying as she thanked god she saved me on time.

Aibileen am I cursed? What is it that keeps people away from me? When I’m so close to someone and I feel like I’ve finally settled down to the right choice it disappears… I don’t understand. Aibileen I love him… why’d he have to go? Sometimes I wonder to myself, does anyone bother listening? Aibileen does. She understands the most. Rashed did… And it felt so good to just open up to him, because he feels the way I feel.

We’re going back to Dubai tomorrow. I unconsciously announced. I felt like my unconscious thinking was working at a fast pace that I couldn’t catch up with. My mood suddenly shifted. 

What for?

For the whole world to see who I am and what I’m made of. I suddenly felt this urge of empowerment; something was motivating me forcefully to do things. What was a joke back then, is becoming reality… “The devil wants to come out and play” I felt goose bumps as I recalled my thoughts back then. What am I becoming…? I could clearly see how lost Aibileen was, she had no idea what I was saying nor did I. But some instinct subliminally told me what to do. I’m such a coward, to face these obstacles by thinking that the solution is to end my life. These obstacles are just the start.

Aibileen quietly took me back to my room; I rested on my bed as she went to fetch me a cup of tea. I turned the music system on; to Adele. Every song I heard reminded me of Yousef instead of Rashed… Never mind I’ll find someone like you, she sang dedicating the lyrics to me as it fed my heart memories. I turned to my side, hugged my feet and slept as the music soothed the pain.

The alarm woke me up. I’m finally leaving this place, all the bad memories will remain here as I go back to Dubai. I dressed up like some kind of rebellious teenager, who wasn’t in the mood. Aibileen and I got in the car, I was eager; I wanted to be in Dubai I had this strong intuition that kept on telling me my life would change the moment I arrive. 

I looked out of the window because I knew I was going to miss Tokyo no matter what, in the end it truly changed me. The car stopped as the traffic lights turned red. I watched the wave of people move as the light turned green, I remember my incident with Alfie. 

And there he was amongst the sea of people, a bright blue head peeped. My heart stopped… 

How could you do this to me…. ?