Traffic Lights

Traffic Lights ···

A simple colour would make the world stop for minutes, sometimes ages or to some people it felt like years. I stood in between the crowd, people with different hair colours; different nationalities, different heights, size, everything and anything surrounded me. The light turned green, we moved as a huge wave as we crossed the street then separated.

Before walking in class I managed to adjust my skirt and hair then made my way in. I remember the first day I was somehow an absolute shock to some of the students. My features weren’t so familiar in universities like this and by this I mean one of the top universities in Japan. Yes you read it right Japan. I’ve been living in Tokyo for 3 years now. Do you want to know why? Hah, of course you do!

Back in high school all that mattered to me was being the first in class. I didn’t really care about appearance or having friends, all I really cared about was my grades. I remember waking up one morning after the one week holiday we had back in high school; after I had finished having a shower I put on my school shirt and started buttoning it. I was half way through, I struggled as I forcefully pushed the buttons through the holes. Once I reached the fourth button it popped and hit the mirror so hard close to cracking it! And I stared at myself, I stared at my face, my body, my lips, my nose but I couldn’t look into my eyes because I was ashamed of what I had become. A disgusting 11 year old obese walrus! I know this sounds funny, me comparing myself to a walrus but honestly I was by far the most disgusting thing on this planet. My features were buried in the tons and tons of fat on my face, and my body... no comment. I cried because I wasn’t able to button my shirt, so I skipped school for a week. Instead of working out and losing some weight, I gained some more and I had to buy some new shirts, but the shirts kept on shrinking. I was the joke in school. My sisters cried their eyes out begging my parents to transfer me to another school so they wouldn’t pick on them the way they picked on me, that they didn’t deserve this, they shouldn’t be punished because of me. Imagine being in my place right now, I was in utter disbelief and devastated by the news when my parents told me about my sisters transferring to a different school because they didn’t want me to be with them. So they sent them out of the country... To a boarding school in London.

Here’s a small introduction to my family. My father: an Emirati; tanned and is darker skinned than my mother, with dark brown eyes and black hair. My mother: Half Iranian half Indian (weird combination, eh?), flawless white natural skin, warm green hazel eyes and small lips. My sisters’ look nothing like me, perhaps it’s because they’re all skinny and because they’re my sisters (3) from my local stepmother. Yes, I have a stepmother. I look just like my mother, the exact same eyes but bigger, the same lip shape but bigger, the same nose but more khaleeji, I had her genes but with a mixture of khaleejiness. So yeah, I guess that’s it about my family.

Moving on, 3 years ago when I was in university back in Dubai I had this mini crush on this half Saudi half Qatari drop dead handsome guy, oh my he was the best thing I had ever seen. I couldn’t resist not staring at him whenever he entered Starbucks in university. So once, I was enjoying my cheesecake sitting on my own in a corner far at the back of Starbucks and sipping my large drink. He walked in with his friends, his sunglasses buried in his thick curls, he wore a lightweight cotton t-shirt with shorts and loafers. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, he walked towards the billiard table and got himself a pool cue and the pool cue chalk and started dusting it with chalk. When he finished I felt as if I was in an empty room with just him, and the rest of the students in Starbucks didn’t exist, everything was in slow motion, I took a bite of my cheesecake and stared at him and he saw me. I couldn’t stop blushing, and he blew away the unwanted chalk dusts that flickered in the air and then... he winked. Oh. I wish. I wish wish wish I didn’t stare at him. I choked on my cheesecake. He laughed his ass off, he laughed so hard and everyone, everyone equals all the students in Starbucks right now and soon all the students in my university will know about this. He highfived his friends as if it was a dare, and I felt ashamed and embarrassed, I ran outside towards the car park and walked endlessly. I called my driver to come and pick me up as soon as possible and he did.

And that my dear readers is why I’m here in Tokyo. Is why I don’t want to go back to my country. It’s because I was a joke. Whenever I went out with my sisters and stepmother to a gathering, the ladies would giggle at my appearance, the way I dressed up and no one really bothered talking to me. All the attention shifted to the skinny girls because they’re all gorgeous. So I knew I had to do something about my obesity issue, and I had to work on it. I dropped out of university and transferred to one of the top universities in Japan – Tokyo.

Now I lost 47 kilograms, yes 47. Amazing right? I went on a strict diet and started working out and I rolled into one of the health centres. I was 110 kilograms and now I’m 63- 178 centimetres tall. I just need to lose 3-10 more kilograms and that’s it, so I’m working on it.

Well I hoped you all enjoyed a little introduction of me and my story. Cheers!

This post is a dedication to crazyfairytales.3  & 4 Ketakeet emfarzineen 
Thank you <3